i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she looked like the before picture.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
