I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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