"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
