you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
