Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
