Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
