guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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