i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
