are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I didn't notice because vodka
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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