Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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