The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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