My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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