Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
