just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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