Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
