I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just forgot I was standing up.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
