when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
