Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
