Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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