dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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