I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
