i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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