He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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