I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
