Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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