sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
