He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
