It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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