I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
two words: eviction party
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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