And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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