Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
