the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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