I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
