so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
