how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
