Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think i have two assholes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
