apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
