I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
