they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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