a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
