Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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