I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
