Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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