O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
