I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
