I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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