Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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