yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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