A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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