Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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