Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
