She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
