ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
