I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
