Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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