you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
