so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
