The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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