i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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