I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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