My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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