I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
