Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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