Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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