My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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