I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
