I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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