I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
