Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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