One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You pole danced in your parka.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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