I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
