I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
