Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
