Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
