My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
