So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
