My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
