we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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