so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
