I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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