You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
